I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
