My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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