Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
