so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
