"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's Friday. Sex?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
