is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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