you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She bit a glass in half.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
