you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
