Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
