omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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