So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
