Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
