If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
