After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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