we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
