i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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