Just fell off a train. Bad.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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