Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
