I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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