i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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