so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
