so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
