my vag is so smooth its legendary
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
