my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
