You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
