nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
