We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This house was built for laser tag.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
