Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
