no, he came in my armpit
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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