So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
