Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
