I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
