JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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