just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
