And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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