Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
