my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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