you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
