Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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