I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
