I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
