Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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