His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
