He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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