So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
