Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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