Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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