the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
