All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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