Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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