About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
