if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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